How to Interest People: Focus on Their Passions

"Talk in terms of the other person’s interests." - Dale Carnegie

Introduction:

Have you ever met someone who seemed to click with everyone they met? Chances are, they’ve mastered the art of showing genuine interest in others.

One of the most effective ways to build rapport and make people like you is to talk about the things they care deeply about. It’s not just about small talk—it’s about connecting on a level that feels personal and engaging.

When we take the time to learn about others’ passions, whether it’s their favorite hobby, a recent achievement, or something as simple as their weekend plans, we open the door to more meaningful interactions. This approach doesn’t just make conversations easier; it makes them memorable.

How Discussing Topics of Interest to Others Creates Rapport:

One of the easiest ways to make people like you is by showing genuine interest in what matters to them. It's not just about asking questions—it's about diving into the topics that light them up and letting those conversations unfold naturally.

You know that feeling when someone talks about something you’re passionate about? It’s like an instant connection, right? That's because when we talk about things that we love, it feels like we're being seen and heard on a deeper level.

Enhances Connection and Trust:
When you talk about subjects that others are passionate about, it goes beyond just making small talk. It shows that you value their interests, which can be incredibly validating. Think about it: we all want to be understood, and when someone takes the time to engage in our favorite topics, it feels like they’re genuinely interested in us—not just what we can offer or what’s on the surface.

This is where trust begins to build. Trust doesn’t always come from grand gestures; often, it starts with those small, meaningful moments where we feel valued. When someone sees what makes us tick, it's a foundation for a deeper connection. And connections built on shared interests tend to be stronger and more resilient because they’re rooted in genuine engagement.

Creates Positive Emotional Experiences:
Another great thing about talking in terms of others’ interests is that it naturally creates positive emotional experiences. People are wired to remember how you made them feel, and when the conversation centers around something they love, they're bound to associate those positive feelings with you.

It’s kind of like hitting a “feel-good” button. Whether it’s their favorite hobby, an exciting project they’re working on, or even a quirky interest, when you engage with them on that level, it sparks joy. And this joy isn’t just fleeting; it sticks around, making the interaction memorable.

Think of the last time someone asked you about a topic you’re really passionate about—how did that make you feel? Probably pretty great, right? It’s the same for others. Those positive vibes can turn an ordinary interaction into something that feels special and meaningful.

Encourages Open Communication:
And here's the best part: when you focus on what others care about, you’re not just talking—you’re inviting them to open up. Suddenly, it’s not just you steering the conversation; it’s a shared journey. You create a safe space where the other person feels comfortable to share more openly, making the dialogue richer and more engaging.

This approach shifts the conversation from a one-sided interview to a dynamic two-way exchange, where both parties are contributing and connecting. It’s a powerful way to break down barriers and move past the surface-level chit-chat. People feel safe to let their guard down, which paves the way for a more authentic connection.

It’s amazing how something as simple as showing interest in someone else’s passion can make such a big difference. It’s not about faking it or trying to manipulate the conversation; it’s about being genuinely curious and giving the other person the space to shine. When you do that, you’re not just building rapport—you’re creating a connection that’s real and meaningful.

So, next time you’re in a conversation, try to find that spark in the other person. Whether it’s their love for travel, a favorite book, or even an obscure hobby, dive in and watch as the rapport naturally unfolds. It's these little efforts that make a big impact, turning everyday interactions into moments of real connection.

Real-Life Example:

Imagine you’re at a networking event, and you strike up a conversation with someone named Sarah. Initially, the conversation is polite but surface-level, revolving around the usual small talk about work and the weather. Then, Sarah mentions that she just got back from a scuba diving trip in the Maldives. Her eyes light up as she talks about her love for diving, but the topic quickly shifts back to something mundane.

Sensing her enthusiasm, you decide to steer the conversation back to diving. You ask, "That sounds amazing! What was it like diving in the Maldives? I've heard the marine life there is incredible." Sarah’s whole demeanor changes; she leans in, excitedly describing the vibrant coral reefs, the schools of colorful fish, and the sheer tranquility she feels underwater. You can tell this isn’t just a hobby for her—it’s a passion.

As she talks, you continue to show genuine interest, asking about her favorite dive sites and what sparked her love for scuba diving. You even share a bit about your own interest in trying new adventures, which opens the door for a more engaging, two-way conversation.

By focusing on what truly excites Sarah, the conversation transitions from a routine exchange to something more meaningful. She feels heard and valued, and you’ve made a connection that goes beyond the typical networking event. Later, when you follow up with Sarah, she remembers you as the person who took a genuine interest in her passion for diving—not just another business contact.

This real-life scenario demonstrates how talking in terms of someone else's interests not only enhances connection and trust but also creates a positive, memorable interaction. Sarah walks away feeling understood and appreciated, which builds rapport and makes her more likely to want to continue the relationship. It’s a simple shift in focus that transforms the dynamic, making you someone who stands out as thoughtful and engaging, simply by valuing what lights her up.

Speak Their Language:

Let’s dive into how you can make conversations more meaningful by focusing on the other person’s interests. It’s not just about asking, “What do you do for fun?” and hoping for the best. Instead, it’s about really connecting by doing a bit of legwork upfront and showing genuine curiosity.

Think of it like this: when you take the time to learn about someone’s hobbies, passions, or even what they posted last week on social media, you’re essentially saying, “I care about you enough to invest my time and attention.” And that, my friend, is how you start building rapport and making people feel valued.

1. Do Your Homework: Before you even get into the conversation, a little prep work can go a long way. Check out their LinkedIn profile, scroll through their recent tweets, or glance at their Instagram feed. You don’t need to go full-on detective mode, but having a basic idea of what they’re into gives you a great starting point.

Maybe they’ve just returned from a hiking trip or shared a book recommendation. These tidbits are gold for sparking a conversation that’s all about them, not just the usual surface-level chitchat. And it’s not about pretending to be something you’re not or mirroring their interests entirely; it’s about finding common ground or simply showing that you appreciate what lights them up.

2. Tailor Your Approach: Now that you’ve got a sense of their world, it’s time to weave that knowledge into your conversation. Instead of sticking to the usual “How’s work?” or “What’s up?”, try something like, “I saw you’ve been into rock climbing recently—how did you get started with that?” Not only does this show that you’ve paid attention, but it also opens up the floor for them to talk about something they’re passionate about.

Listening actively is crucial here—nod, maintain eye contact, and ask follow-up questions. When you tailor your conversation to their interests, you’re not just having a chat; you’re creating a space where they feel understood and appreciated. This kind of interaction isn’t just pleasant; it’s memorable. People tend to remember those who made them feel seen and heard, and that’s exactly what tailoring your approach does.

3. Be Genuinely Curious: Here’s the thing—people can tell when you’re faking it. There’s no need to pretend you’re an expert in astrophysics if someone is passionate about it. Instead, let your curiosity drive the conversation. Ask questions like, “What got you interested in that?” or “What’s the most exciting thing about it for you?”

Your goal is not to impress with your knowledge but to create an authentic exchange where both of you are genuinely engaged. It’s perfectly fine to admit if you’re unfamiliar with their passion—often, this honesty can be refreshing.

Plus, when you approach the conversation with genuine interest, you’ll naturally find it easier to keep it flowing, and they’ll feel more comfortable opening up. Remember, it’s less about the content of the conversation and more about the connection you’re fostering through your curiosity.

Taking these steps isn’t just about being polite; it’s about creating real, meaningful connections that go beyond small talk. Whether it’s with a colleague, a friend, or someone you’ve just met, focusing on their interests and showing that you care is one of the most powerful ways to build rapport.

It’s the little things—the tailored questions, the genuine curiosity, the attentive listening—that can turn a simple conversation into a memorable exchange that leaves a lasting impression.

Conclusion:

Talking in terms of the other person’s interests is a powerful tool that can significantly improve your relationships, both personally and professionally.

By showing genuine curiosity and making an effort to connect with others on their favorite subjects, you not only create positive interactions but also build lasting connections that can lead to new opportunities and deeper relationships. It’s a simple, yet impactful way to make people like you.

References

1. "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie, 1936

2. Some images involve AI technology.

This article is part of the "Positive Workplace Culture" series.