The Power of Praise

“Begin with praise and honest appreciation.” — Dale Carnegie

Introduction:

Picture this: You're about to receive feedback from your boss. Your heart races, palms sweat.

But what if the conversation began with genuine appreciation for your hard work?

Suddenly, the atmosphere shifts. You're more receptive, less defensive. This, my friend, is the magic of beginning with praise and honest appreciation.

Explanation:

You know how sometimes you're dreading a conversation because you think it might be critical? Well, there's a secret sauce to making those chats way more palatable, and it all starts with a little praise. Let me break it down for you.

Imagine you're catching up with a good friend. Your friend leans in and says, "Hey, I've got something I want to talk to you about." Now, if they dive straight into criticism, you might feel your defenses rising, right? But what if they started by saying, "You know, I've always admired how dedicated you are to your work. It's really inspiring." Suddenly, you're all ears, aren't you?

That's the magic of starting with positive reinforcement. It's like laying out a welcome mat for tougher conversations. When we hear good things about ourselves, especially when they're genuine, it puts us in a more receptive state of mind. Our brains are funny that way – they're much more willing to process challenging information when they've just been given a little boost of feel-good chemicals.

Now, here's a key point to remember: It's always easier to listen to unpleasant things after we've heard some praise of our good points. It's about creating an atmosphere where growth and change feel possible.

Think about it. When was the last time you really took criticism well when it was delivered bluntly, with no acknowledgment of your efforts or strengths? Probably never, right? But when someone takes the time to recognize what you're doing right before suggesting improvements, it feels more like they're on your team, helping you level up, rather than tearing you down.

Here's an interesting analogy that really drives this point home: A barber lathers a man before he shaves him. It's such a simple concept, but it's packed with wisdom. The lather softens the beard, making the shave smoother and more comfortable. In the same way, starting with praise softens our defenses, making us more open to feedback that might otherwise feel harsh or abrasive.

This doesn't mean you need to spend ten minutes singing someone's praises before getting to the point. It's about finding that genuine positive note to start on. Maybe it's acknowledging their hard work, their creativity, or their willingness to take on challenges. Whatever it is, make it authentic.

So, let's talk about beginning with praise. It's not just a nice-to-have in communication; it's a powerful tool that can transform the way we interact, lead, and grow together. When you start with praise, you're essentially saying, "I see you. I recognize your value." And let me tell you, that's a game-changer.

But here's the thing – it takes practice. We're often so focused on fixing problems or pointing out areas for improvement that we forget to shine a light on what's already working well. Challenge yourself to start looking for those praiseworthy moments. Maybe keep a little notebook or use your phone to jot down positive observations about your colleagues, friends, or family members. Then, when you need to have a more serious conversation, you've got a ready supply of genuine compliments to kick things off.

Remember, the goal isn't to manipulate or to soften the blow of harsh criticism. It's about creating an environment where feedback – both positive and constructive – can be given and received in a spirit of mutual growth and respect. When you master this approach, you'll find that your conversations become more productive, your relationships stronger, and your ability to influence and lead greatly enhanced.

Real-Life Example:

Alright, let's dive into a real-life example that really brings this whole "start with praise" concept to life. Trust me, this story is going to make you see feedback in a whole new light.

This is where our story's hero, Coach Thompson, worked his magic. Now, Coach Thompson wasn't just any basketball coach – he was a legend in his own right. But what made him truly special wasn't his win record (though that was impressive too). It was the way he handled his players, especially when it came to giving feedback.

You see, Coach Thompson had this incredible knack for making every critique feel like an opportunity rather than a put-down. And his secret weapon? Starting with a genuine compliment.

Let me paint you a picture of how this worked in action. Imagine you're Mike, a junior on the varsity team. You've just finished a tough game, and you know your shooting was off. You're dreading the post-game talk, convinced you're about to get chewed out. But then Coach Thompson pulls you aside.

Instead of diving straight into what went wrong, he starts with, "Mike, your hustle on defense tonight was outstanding. You were everywhere on that court, making it tough for their offense to get any momentum."

Now, how does that make you feel? Pretty good, right? Your shoulders relax a bit, and you start to stand a little taller. You're thinking, "Hey, at least I did something right."

Then Coach continues, "Now, let's talk about how we can bring your shooting form up to match that defensive energy. I've got some ideas I think could really help you improve."

See what happened there? By starting with a genuine compliment about Mike's defensive play, Coach Thompson created an atmosphere where Mike was much more receptive to feedback about his shooting. He wasn't just softening the blow; he was building trust and showing that he saw the whole player, not just the areas that needed work.

This approach did wonders for team morale. Players left these one-on-one sessions feeling motivated and valued, not defeated. They knew that their coach saw their strengths, which made them more willing to work on their weaknesses.

But here's the real kicker – Coach Thompson didn't just reserve this technique for the star players or the easy wins. He found something positive to say about every player, in every game, no matter how tough the match or how much room for improvement there was. It could be as simple as praising a player's attitude, their support of teammates from the bench, or their commitment to practice.

The result? A team that was resilient, cohesive, and always striving to improve. Players weren't afraid of feedback because they knew it would always start from a place of recognition and respect.

Now, you might be thinking, "That's great for sports, but how does this apply to my life?" Well, let me tell you, this approach works wonders in any situation where you need to give feedback or inspire change. Whether you're a manager, a teacher, a parent, or just trying to help a friend, starting with genuine praise sets the stage for a constructive conversation.

Think about it – how much more likely are you to listen to advice from someone who clearly sees and appreciates your efforts? It's not about empty flattery; it's about creating a foundation of trust and mutual respect. From there, growth and improvement feel like a natural next step, not a criticism or an attack.

Tips:

First things first: Always, and I mean always, start your feedback sessions with praise. It's like warming up before a workout – it gets everything primed and ready to go. But here's the key: make it specific and relevant.

None of that generic "Good job" stuff. Instead, try something like, "I was really impressed with how you handled that client presentation last week. Your slides were clear, and you answered those tough questions with confidence."

See the difference? It shows you're paying attention and that you genuinely value their contributions. Plus, it sets a positive tone for the rest of the conversation. Trust me, people are way more open to constructive feedback when they feel appreciated first.

Now, let's talk about highlighting strengths. This is like giving someone a superpower boost before asking them to tackle a challenge. Before diving into areas for improvement, take a moment to shine a spotlight on what they're already rocking at.

For example, you might say, "You have an incredible ability to break down complex problems. It's one of your biggest strengths. I'd love to see you apply that skill to this new project we're facing."

By doing this, you're not just making them feel good – you're actually showing them a tool they already have that can help them improve. It's like saying, "Hey, you've got this awesome hammer. Let's use it to build something even cooler."

Here's a biggie: Be genuine. I can't stress this enough. People have finely tuned insincerity detectors, and if they sense you're just buttering them up, it'll backfire big time.

The praise you give should be honest and heartfelt. If you're struggling to find something positive to say, dig deeper. There's always something, even if it's just effort or attitude.

Remember, this isn't about making stuff up. It's about training yourself to notice and appreciate the good things people do. And trust me, once you start looking for the positive, you'll be amazed at how much you find.

Okay, here's a game-changer: Start your meetings with a round of appreciation for recent accomplishments. I know, I know, you're thinking, "But we have so much to cover!" But hear me out. This little practice can transform your team dynamics.

Imagine kicking off your Monday meeting with something like, "Before we dive in, I'd like to take a moment to acknowledge some wins from last week. Sarah, your quick thinking saved us from a potential PR disaster. And Tom, that report you put together was exactly what we needed to land that new client."

Suddenly, everyone's sitting up a little straighter, feeling valued and motivated. It sets a positive tone for the whole meeting and reminds everyone that their efforts are noticed and appreciated. Plus, it encourages team members to recognize each other's contributions, fostering a culture of mutual respect and appreciation.

Now, let's talk about the "sandwich method.". It's a technique where you sandwich your constructive feedback between two layers of praise. It goes like this: praise, constructive feedback, praise.

For example: "John, your customer service skills are top-notch. Clients always mention how attentive and helpful you are. I've noticed that sometimes your reports are submitted a bit late, which can hold up our billing process. If we could get those in on time, it would really streamline things. And I know with your excellent organizational skills, this is something you can definitely tackle."

See how that works? You start and end on a positive note, which makes the constructive feedback in the middle feel less like criticism and more like an opportunity for growth.

Last but definitely not least: Remember the praise-worthy moments of your team. This is a game-changer, so stick with me here. The goal is to have a mental (or digital) repository of positive observations about your team members that you can easily recall when needed.

If you have a knack for memory techniques, use them to your advantage. You could associate each team member with a specific location in your mind palace, storing their praiseworthy actions there. Or create memorable acronyms based on their positive traits and actions.

For those of us who might not trust our memory entirely, there's no shame in using a "praise journal." Your smartphone's notes app can be a perfect tool for this. Make it a habit to jot down positive observations about your team members regularly.

Did someone go above and beyond on a project? Log it. Did you notice a colleague helping out another team member? That goes in too. Don't just focus on big achievements – even small acts of kindness or moments of creativity are worth noting.

Why do this? Well, for starters, it trains your brain to look for the positive. You'll start noticing great things that might have slipped by before. But more importantly, it gives you a ready supply of specific, genuine praise to draw from when you need it.

Imagine how powerful it is when you can say to someone, "You know, I've been noticing over the past few weeks how you always jump in to help new team members get up to speed. That kind of leadership and teamwork is invaluable." Whether you've recalled this from memory or quickly checked your notes, the impact is the same.

This practice isn't about keeping score; it's about ensuring you don't miss opportunities to acknowledge and encourage the best in your team. Whether you're blessed with an elephant's memory or rely on your trusty smartphone, the key is to have a system that works for you in remembering and recognizing the praiseworthy actions of your team.

Conclusion:

In a world quick to criticize, leading with praise sets you apart. It's not just about making others feel good—it's about creating an environment where people are eager to grow, change, and excel.

By mastering the art of genuine appreciation, you're not just changing behaviors; you're transforming relationships and cultures.

So, the next time you need to offer feedback or introduce a change, remember: a little praise goes a long way. It's not just good manners; it's great leadership.

References

1. "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie, 1936

2. Some images involve AI technology.

This article is part of the "Positive Workplace Culture" series.