Admit Your Mistakes First — Then Watch Others Grow

"Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person." - Dale Carnegie

Introduction:

Ever been in a situation where you had to give feedback but worried the person might take it the wrong way?

Here's a powerful tip: talk about your own mistakes first.

Think about it—nobody enjoys feeling judged or criticized, but when we admit our own missteps, we make others feel understood and open to hearing what we have to say. It’s like telling them, “Hey, I’ve been where you are, and I get it.”

Explanation:

When you're about to criticize someone, whether it's a colleague, friend, or even your child, have you ever paused to think about their perspective?

Before you jump in with your feedback, it’s worth asking yourself: How would I see things if I were in their shoes? What’s their experience level, their frame of reference, and their judgment at this point?

Often, we forget what it was like to be in a similar situation ourselves—when we didn’t have the same knowledge or insight. It's easy to feel frustrated by what seems like an obvious mistake, but the reality is, we weren’t always so wise ourselves. Reflecting on that can help us approach the conversation from a place of empathy and understanding, which makes all the difference.

Another essential point to remember is that nobody likes being criticized. It’s uncomfortable, even when it's constructive. But here’s the thing: people are much more open to hearing about their mistakes if you first admit your own.

Imagine someone approaching you with a critique but starting by saying, “I’ve been in your shoes. I’ve made the same mistake.” Doesn’t that feel easier to digest? When you begin by humbly acknowledging that you, too, are far from perfect, it softens the blow.

Instead of feeling attacked, the other person is more likely to listen, reflect, and—most importantly—accept the feedback without resentment. This approach shifts the dynamic from “I’m better than you” to “I’ve been where you are,” which makes the conversation feel more like a shared experience rather than a lecture.

Finally, by sharing your own errors before diving into someone else’s, you create a more open and supportive environment. When we admit our past mistakes, it encourages vulnerability and signals that it's okay to be human—to not have all the answers and to stumble along the way.

It’s amazing how much more willing people are to engage in self-reflection and growth when they don’t feel like they’re under attack. Think of it as a way to invite collaboration and learning rather than just correction.

How Admitting Mistakes Built Trust and Confidence:

Let me tell you about a senior product manager I once worked with. His name was Mark, and he had a way of making you feel like he truly understood where you were coming from. One of the things that stood out about Mark was how he handled feedback.

I remember this one meeting where a junior developer had made a mistake—something that could’ve easily derailed the project. We were all a bit tense, expecting Mark to dive into a critique.

But instead of jumping straight to the problem, Mark started by sharing a story about one of his own past mistakes. He told us about a time earlier in his career when he’d made a similar misstep, one that had cost his team time and resources. He even laughed about it, pointing out how he had been so sure he was right, only to realize later how inexperienced he really was.

It was such a small thing—just a few sentences—but it changed the entire mood of the conversation. You could see the junior developer relax. Suddenly, the mistake didn’t seem like a personal failure; it was simply part of the learning curve.

By sharing his own errors, Mark made it clear that he wasn’t there to judge but to guide. He wasn’t saying, “I’m above you, and you messed up.” He was saying, “I’ve been there too, and here’s what I learned.”

Once Mark finished his story, he shifted to the feedback, but it didn’t feel harsh or critical. It was more like, “Let’s figure this out together.” He outlined what went wrong and gave suggestions on how to avoid it in the future, but the entire conversation was framed in a way that emphasized growth and improvement, not blame.

The best part? The developer walked away from that meeting not just with constructive feedback, but with a sense of confidence. Instead of feeling defeated, he felt supported, motivated to do better. And Mark? He gained even more respect from the team.

By admitting his own mistakes, he didn’t lose authority—if anything, it made him a stronger leader because we knew he was in the trenches with us, not sitting on a pedestal.

Mark’s approach is a perfect example of how powerful it can be to lead by admitting your past mistakes. It not only opens the door for a more honest and productive conversation but also fosters a team culture where learning and growth are prioritized over perfection.

Tips:

When it comes to giving feedback, it can feel tricky to strike the right balance. You want to guide someone without making them feel discouraged or criticized. One of the best ways to do that is to start by acknowledging your own experiences, especially your mistakes.

I like to think back to my own early days when I didn’t have as much experience, and mistakes were just part of the learning process. Sharing those stories can help others realize that they’re not alone—and that growth takes time.

For example, I often say, "When I was your age, I made these mistakes too. Honestly, some lessons are best learned from experience."

Another thing to keep in mind is that people love to hear about improvement and progress, not just criticism. A great way to frame feedback is by focusing on the positives.

For instance, you could say something like, "You're doing a better job than I did when I was inexperienced, and I think you’re going to improve even more."

It sends a powerful message: you’re not just pointing out what’s wrong—you’re also recognizing their potential. When you give feedback this way, you make it clear that the conversation is about growth, not failure.

Here’s something that might surprise you: even when you haven’t fully corrected your own mistakes, admitting them can help encourage someone else to change.

Think about it. When we’re honest about the fact that we’re still learning and growing ourselves, it creates a safe space for others to do the same. People are far more likely to take advice from someone who admits their imperfections than from someone who pretends to have it all figured out.

Imagine telling a team member, "I’m still working on this area myself, but I’ve noticed this approach helps. Maybe it could work for you too?" Suddenly, the conversation isn’t about pointing fingers—it’s about sharing insights and supporting one another’s development.

Another tip that goes a long way is to share your experiences. People relate to stories, and when you share yours, it makes the feedback more relatable and less about judgment.

Think of it like this: instead of just saying what went wrong or what could be improved, you can talk about a similar situation you went through and what you learned from it. It makes your feedback feel more like guidance than a critique.

You could say, "When I was in a similar situation, I made a similar mistake. Here’s how I handled it, and here’s what I learned." This kind of approach takes the sting out of feedback because it turns the conversation into one about mutual growth.

A big part of giving effective feedback is to always emphasize learning. Instead of framing the conversation around what didn’t go well, keep the focus on what can be learned from the situation.

For example, you might say, "This is a great opportunity to learn how to handle this kind of challenge in the future." When you do that, you shift the conversation from blame to opportunity, making it clear that every mistake is just a stepping stone to better skills and greater success.

Finally, remember to keep the focus on growth. Feedback should never be about tearing someone down or pointing out flaws. Instead, it should be about helping them get better. When you keep growth at the center of the conversation, it becomes a positive, forward-looking experience rather than a negative critique.

You could say, "You’re already doing well, and with a little more experience and attention to this detail, you’re going to be excellent." This makes it clear that your goal is to help them succeed, not just to point out what went wrong.

Conclusion:

Acknowledging your own mistakes before giving feedback doesn’t just soften the conversation—it builds trust and opens the door for genuine growth.

Acknowledging your own mistakes before giving feedback doesn’t just soften the conversation—it builds trust and opens the door for genuine growth.

In the end, the goal of any feedback is to help the person grow and improve. By sharing your experiences, admitting your own mistakes, and emphasizing learning, you can create a supportive environment where feedback is welcomed and appreciated.

References

1. "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie, 1936

2. Some images involve AI technology.

This article is part of the "Positive Workplace Culture" series.